Category Archives: Piper rocks

Ah shoot.

I really didn’t mean to take a TWO MONTH hiatus from blogging…it’s just kind of happened…without me even realizing it.

Let me explain.

You know that friend you have…the one you really like but you just haven’t called in a really long time?  And the more time that passes the more awkward it will be when you finally get off your lazy ace and call them?  So you don’t.  And then it becomes even more horrible in your mind and and you really start to miss them but can’t figure out how to re-connect without it being achingly awful and embarrassing?

For you literary geniuses, no need to explain that this metaphor (I think.  Clearly not a genius here.) is about me and my blog and our fading relationship.  Again, it wasn’t intentional…just awkward.  So let’s hug it out and move on, shall we?

But before we do, it wouldn’t be an apology without some lame excuses to go along with it!

Totally appropriate excuse numero uno: This is a running blog.  And sweet potato fries, it’s hard to write about running when you are barely trucking along with zero training or race goals in mind.  Not a lot of blog fodder in the same 7k  route when subjects like achy pelvic bones, peeing in the woods and bouncy fetuses are frowned upon.  That said, I am happy that I managed to run until 30 weeks (about 7.5 months) preggo.  And truthfully, the actual running didn’t feel too bad and I probably could have kept going a little longer, but feeling like you have to pee for 45 minutes and then waddling around the office all day because your crotch is sore was just getting a little annoying.

Last run done! (AKA – I can’t feel my legs!)

So no more running for this gal for a few months at least.  I’m still cycling and doing Body Pump a few times a week and have switched to “power walks” with Piper instead of running.   (Tip: power walks are really just walks but with a pully dog)

Ruining walks since 2008

Totally appropriate excuse #2: I broke my camera.  And we all know people just want to look at adorable pictures of dogs (see exhibit A above), food and self-portraits on blogs.  It’s ok to admit it.  So if anyone knows how to get river water out of a camera – AFTER trying the rice trick – lemme know.  Or, even better, if anyone would like to buy a clumsy cheapskate a water-free / water-proof camera, lemme know.

Totally appropriate excuse #3: I’m lazy and it’s summer so get off my back.  Pretty self-explanatory that one.
But seriously, I do have some updates for you, such as “2012 goals: yeah, how’s that going?” and “Recipe round-up…the good, the bad and the tragically ugly”.  But until then, one more gratuitous shot of my lovely little family.

You’re welcome!


Just me?

Um, hello?

Is this thing on?


“Hi, my name is FunnerRunner and I’m a winter hater.  A true hater.  Like I want to drag it into a dark alley, stab it with my snowscraper-turned-shank and steal it’s lunch money. Then probably shank it again – just to teach it a lesson.”

Is it just me or has this month been horrifically longer than any other month EVER in the history of time?  The worst part – there is still another freaking week to go!

I can’t be the only one who is finding it hard to muster up any enthusiasm…a smidgen of motivation…a hoot of good cheer…am I?  Two of my favourite things are writing and running and I’m having hard time even doing those.  Proof in pudding…my oh-so hectic, newly adapted, bi-weekly running and blogging schedule (meaning every two weeks, not twice a week…sad, I know).  Why run in the dark, cold outdoors when I can spoon a warm golden retriever for an extra two hours each morning?  Why blog about being a fun runner when clearly I’m neither right now (and Netflix has added ALL THREE SEASONS! of the original Degrassi Junior High!!)?


Well the madness has got to end.  (Plus I have to get that Zit Remedy song out of my head eventually.  It is shockingly catchy.)  As Muffin would say, “Pull out of ‘er” (he also uses this piece of advice when I do something dumb like, oh random example, use the George Foreman without the plates).  It’s a great motivator, no?

I’ve learned that just making yourself get out of a funk is the best way to get better quick.  I can’t just curse away dark mornings and cold days…like I am currently doing…life is too short.  As someone who lives in Canada (and plans on continuing to do just that for the foreseeable future) lying on the couch hating a good four months out of the year is simply not helping.

So, I apologize for ignoring you little blog.  From now on I’ll spew out daily posts about nothing, turn out content like the production whore that is expected of me, pilfer and steal from other blogs!  INTERNET DOMINATION!!  Gah.  No not at all.  But I will try really hard to resume quality, magical writing…

Pure magic!

Whatever, I’ll get back to writing when there is something worth writing about.  Deal?  Deal.

That said, I still have to recap you on December’s awesomeness!  It, unlike it’s socially awkward cousin January, had lots of cool stuff happening, so what better time to fill you in than a month after the fact?!

Until then, a gratuitous puppy Piper photo.

Seriously, who wouldn't spoon with her?

A very special day!

Guess which lovely little stinker is 3 years old today?!

Happy birthday Piperoni!

It seems like just yesterday that you were curled up in a little ball, pleading for attention with your eyes.  Oh wait, that was yesterday.  And every other day before that.

Happy birthday to the very most smiley, lickey, starey, STARVEDFORAFFECTION dog that I have ever known.  And that’s why we love you best.  Through inability to master stairs, your first bath, stealing bocce balls (and subsequent ejection from the game), chewing on every stick within a 3km range, camping and canoeing adventures, skunk spraying, and never-ending spooning…it just gets better and better.

Like sands through the hourglass...

More Piper! And even more Piper!  (And one more, just in case)

Skunked x2

Guess who didn’t run 17km as planned on Saturday?

This girl!

Guess who had an exciting encounter with a skunk at 6am on Saturday?

This girl!

In the span of about 3.7 seconds my whole Saturday went to the dog(s).  Instead of a sunny, warm long run, followed by apple picking and a hike with the family, I spent hours supply shopping, dog groomer consulting, washing, spraying, skunk-offing, more washing, cursing and one more wash with my stinker of a retriever.

Peroxide and baking soda rinse = highlights!

Haaaspansive oatmeal shampoo = nicer than mine

Wet dog AND skunk = magical

So holiday-sleep in-Monday is now 17k-hot n’sweaty-Monday…because a) I’ve got about a million miles to make up in the next few months annnnnnd b) I think I’m going to do a race!  Let’s see how I manage this long run tomorrow and I’ll make a decision from there…so by Monday evening I might be registered for the Road2Hope half-marathon in November.  Or not.  Because maybe Stinkaroni will sniff out another new BFF and I’ll spend another lovely day covering in stench and wet dog hair.  Win-win, really.

Ruining people's plans since 2008

Current crushes

Time is marching on and so am I.  Let me tell ya though, it was touch and go there for awhile.  I truly thought that even getting to 50% was a pipe dream.  Having said that, it feels like things have turned a corner and I’ve rejuvenated a passion…well, vague interest…well, not a total hatred and bitterness for running.  So what’s getting me through these days?  Here’s my list of [insert Oprah voice here] “FUNNERRUNNER’S FAAAAAVOURITE THIIIIIINGS!!”

1) Lululemon’s Run: Speed Short and No Show Sock

Clearly not my abs

Just like these but browner and stinkier

Yes, I justify spending moula on haspansive Lululemon because it’s pretty and I work out a bit.  But also very justifiable because, not only does it make your bum look the best it ever will, it’s stellar quality.  So magical bum enhancing power and non-stinking-chafing-pilling fabric  (and did I mention the bum thing?) = worth every penny in my book.  I have running capri’s that I have owned for years and they still show zero evidence of wear and tear.  But my current love affair is with my new (on sale!) Run: Speed Shorts.  If you like running around all ‘neked’ or at least assume that you’d like to run with the same reckless abandon of a toddler, get yourself a pair of these super shorts.  They are light and airy – even when drenched in 35°C sweat.  Running is much more pleasant when you aren’t drowning in swassy shorts.  Ditto for the socks.  The lovely McKivies spoiled me with TWO pairs of these ultra-thin, silky socks (not really silk though, that would be weird.  Pimp, but weird) for my birthday.  Somehow I manage to wear these socks for every workout!  I’ll save you the math on that one…yes, I’m wearing dirty socks repeatedly throughout the week.  Worth it.  But just don’t stand next to me in BodyPump class.

2) Audiobooks on my iPod…or more specifically, The Help.

The Distraction

Boy howdy, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!  I have no idea what that really means, but what I mean is that since downloading this audiobook last week, I crave running.  Kind of.  I’m only allowed to listen to ‘my stories’ while running, so I need to get out and pound the pavement to get my fix.  Tricky huh?  And yes, the story is great and the narration is entertaining, but what I really think that I am in lova-love with is the welcome distraction.  A 90 minute run is over before I know it, and that dear friends, is a beautiful thing.  As I not-so subtly alluded to in a previous post, running is getting a bit monotonous.  Same routes, same songs, same unpredictable geese…kilometre after kilometre.  But the drawbacks of audiobooks are that I’m probably not getting any faster or smarter out there.  But I’m not training for a race or Nobel Prize, so no harm no foul right?  All that matters is that I’m actually looking forward to runs again…even if I’m narrowly escaping getting hit by cars as a trot around happily distracted.

3) Man v Food

You get me, man.

This has nothing to do with running, but I’m loving this show.  But has anyone checked his cholesterol lately?

4) The Smoyce’s

Team Smoyce!

Also nothing to do with running.  But after *ahem* a couple of years, these crazy kids are finally getting hitched!  Long live LOVE!

5) 1005.5km baby!

A very accurate reenactment of my half way moment

Half way Poptarts!!  Nothing feels as good as half way does…except all the way.  That what she said.  (C’mon…you would have said it too…)

And finally…

6) These two cracker jacks.  Because I’m usually crushing on both of them all of the time.

...and because he's the reno king

...and because she is a great helper.

Don’t forget that I’m updating the Kickin’ asphalt page each week with workout wrap ups and plans.  Check it out and keep me accountable…ish.

Desert (the verb)

Synonyms: abscond, apostatize, bail out, beach, betray, bolt, check out, chuck, cop out, crawl out, decamp, depart, duck, escape, flee, fly, forsake, give up, go, go AWOL, go back on, go over the hill, go west, jilt, leave, leave high and dry, leave in the lurch, leave stranded, light, maroon, opt out, play truant, pull out, quit, relinquish, renounce, resign, run out on, sneak off, split, strand, take a hike, take off, tergiversate, throw over, vacate, violate oath, walk

Yep, they pretty much all describe my behaviour over the past 14 days.  But contrary to popular belief, I haven’t totally abandoned FunnerRunner!  The past couple of weeks have been a bit hectic, gloomy and uninspiring – not great reading material. (<–like this)  And that just won’t do here.  So in the meantime, sit back and enjoy a photo recap from our May 2-4er weekend. And instead of curling up into a little ball with a bottle of Prosseco and a straw, I’ll work on a real update for y’all.

Saturday bright and early…20k prep.

I ate this...on purpose...not for a TV game show challenge.

Breakfast of champions isn't complete without a spoonful of PB

New running fuel...and my new giant H20 bottle.

20k done…barely, but that’s another story.  (Thank goodness this blog is about clocking miles and not about actually being a good runner)  On to the park with Piper!

W-A-L-K-? face

BDFF (Best dog friend forevah)

Off to a backyard shin-diggery-do at Hooles, B-Rock and the new bundle’s pad to eat, drink and be drunk merry.

Little B-Rock

B-Rock x2

Muffin & Kluke rockin' out

Piperoni rockin' out

On the road again…to the Gull River for some paddling and camping with Team Smoyce!  (Note: do not attempt camping, in the rain, in May, without dousing yourself in paint thinner (or whatever else is stronger than DEET) and an extra large bottle of something alcoholic enough to distract you from the incessant black flies and mosquitoes.  Seriously…blood dripping down the back of my ears.)

A dog with a plan

Agent Smith & Muffin "strategizing" their attack

Not drowning! Whoowee!

Checking in with the gals

There you have it…a post on a running blog and with no useful running material.  Maybe I should change the blog name to “Tipsy dog lover”, or more realistically, “I drink too much and take a lot of pictures of my dog”.

Shake….shake…shaaaaake? Whatever.

So, I didn’t write this story, but I could have.  Obviously not even remotely as funny or artistically, but this is my life.  Hyperbole and a half, you get me.  And my retarded dog.

So happy, so simple.

A story about Piper, but not really.

I relate to this woman because…

a) our dog did not tackle the stairs for quite awhile, and still won’t tackle the basement stairs or stairs in other people’s homes.  She stands at the top/bottom, with her ears all Eeyore-like, wishing she had the physical capacity to join us at the other end (ps – she does).

b) she licks everything, all the time.  Not like, “Yay, you’re home!” or “This piece of jerky between the fridge and counter is delicious” licks…just random blankets, pants, walls, sidewalks, etc.  Just tastin’ the world.  Drives Muffin to drink.  I think it’s cute…and a smidging retardo, which makes me drink.  Why not?

c) when she is not licking something, she is staring at something.  With her nose about an inch away…for embarrassing amounts of time.  Again, a dog staring at food or a squirrel or pooh seems normal to me.  A shadow, piece of paper, reflection of light on the wall with a room full of people trying to “call her” away from it…not normal. 

So she’ll never win a Nobel prize or warn anyone that I’ve fallen into a well, but she’s very pretty.  Anyhoo, I highly recommend that you check out the laugh-til-milk-spews-from-your-nose story from Hyperbole and half.

PS – Because this is FunnerRunner and I am still running, some quick recaps…pulled off 17k this weekend in downright balmy weather. Loves it.  And another 15k this morning in stupid, not surprising now, -25C temps.  I’m thinking of changing the name of this blog to “Bitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er“.  Emphasis on “bitter”.  Super sweet tunes for these runs…ABC (Jackson 5) and If you want blood (AC/DC).  Excellent (secret) guilty pleasure songs.