It’s officially less than 2 weeks until public bathing suit torture Jamaica…yay, H-to-tha-whaa!?! Firstly, I’m SOSOSOFREAKTASTIC excited that the lovely Gornacs are finally getting hitched, but I’m shocked…SHOCKED…that it’s happening so soon. I mean, couldn’t they have given us all like, 4 years of engagement so that we could lose 10lbs before heading down south? Wait…never mind.
So that said, it seems like everyone has gotten on a “I need to look a thousand times better than I do in everyday life” plan for the past couple weeks. For example, Muffin’s plan = back to the gym, light beer, less Doritos. Yep, that’s it and he’s back to Ryan Reynolds-esque abs. (Jerk is Jamaican right?)
Dudes and I on the other hand…our plan involves charts and Bootcamps and caveman diets and multiple daily workouts and medieval torture regimes. ETCETERA. And we’ve decided we’re done. *Insert fork into eyeball*. Over it. Well…in theory anyway, because it’s still two weeks away and WE CAN’T GIVE UP YET! Not on my watch, lady. Stay away from the light!!
In a brief moment of lunacy, I thought “what if I am over-training?” That happens right? (Typically to people who actually push themselves during Bootcamp instead of having an intense discussion on flats vs. wedges during wind sprints) So I checked out the all-knowing world wide web for some insight around over-training and how my symptoms match up…
So it’s official, I am a training machine. Or not. Maybe I have a sore throat because it was Dudes’ bachelorette party on the weekend and there was just a bit of “Woo!!”-ing going on. And maybe my headache is because…let’s be serious, bacheloretting again. You get the picture. So what to do? How can we get our mojo back for the next few weeks? Enter Operation: Revival!
So for the next 13 days, we are going the extra mile and checking it all twice. Friends and family…you have been warned. We are about to get even more irritable and bitchtastic…but man, we will be ROCKING a one piece with cover up in a couple weeks!
So what magical power does Operation: Revival! have that will suddenly take us from “I-hate-life-but-love-butter-ville” to “I’ll gladly live off spinach and cayenne pepper forevvvveeeer!!!”? Well it’s mostly in the accountability, you see. We each have to plan our workouts, menus and “mental” time outs (so we don’t shank our co-workers) and then SWITCH our journals after the week is through. Because we are both so friggin’ judgey, it’s a perfect plan! We’ll shame each other into being a crazed, whacked out, dieting bridezilla/bridesmaidstein!! And yes, I am thinking about writing a book! (“How to frantically transform yourself through desperate last ditch efforts and shameless, self-deprecating strategies.” or “How to get your loved ones to hate you”. Watch for it on Oprah’s list.)
So I’m going from this…